21/06/26

It's 4:02 am. I am going through it again. A weird spiral that I am trying to get used to. My emotions are speaking for me, but luckily for me I am not bothering a soul with my issues this time. I feel sad for many reasons... but I know the main one. It should not be a problem for long... I think and I hope so. The freedom of this space is not having to explain. I can be sad, and so what? Not a soul will ask me about it. Whoever does ask, I do say, proceed with caution as I don't assume anyone will. So If you do happen to be the one that asks, I might not have an answer as I am just focused on myself getting to bed... I hope I can sleep such news off. It is very hard to sleep knowing what I know. That's all for this morning!! buh byeeee

17/06/26

Its 7:08 pm, and I thought I should add to this. Spent most of my day sleeping after a strange but also fun all nighter. This is the first time I'm adding to this at a reasonable hour. Who cheered? Today I just bug watched in my garden. There were so many cute creatures out today. I saw many dragon flies and snails (cough cough SNAIL SHELLLLLL.) I also got to talk about TMBG for the first time over call instead of text earlier (at around 3am), which was amazing! I rarely get to vocalise my love for them, if not ever. The most it ever gets to is me saying "TMBG is my fave band" or something relating to my Flood shirt. People irl question it a lot, always mentioning how they have never heard of them before. This always makes me assume that it means they want to hear more, but I don't seem to learn... They never want to hear more. It's just said person(s) wanting to hear a digestible answer, which if you know me, is not possible when it comes to The giants. They're just so complex with such a long history... I don't think it's possible to give such a black and white answer! Anyhow, thats all I've got for today!

16/06/26

Its 4:51 am, how could I ever forget about this space when I needed it most. I was an emotional mess all evening and morning. I could have just spilled everything here, instead of keeping everyone awake, questioning. I have no idea what got over me, but I did not like it. Not one bit. My emotions spoke for me, which is never a good thing. And here am, regretting and self-loathing. It is really pathetic of me, having to blast such feelings on a website.... basically available for anyone to see, but I really do not care at this point. I wish I had used my critical thinking skills and common sense to deal with what happened, but I did not. Unfortunately, the past is in the past... and I have to do the mature thing. Grow up and learn. I must deal with my feelings better. I was close to ruining TMBG for myself, a second time believe it or not, but I wont let something that brings me such joy to be gone again. This was nothing compared to the last event. All I know currently is that I must keep going, and learn from my almost unforgivable state. It might take awhile for me to even accept what I have done, but thats life is it not? As corny as this may sound... Im almost certian that nobody will read this, and thats okay. It's for me to let out and feel somewhat better after the night/morning I have had. The way I'm writing this makes me seem like I did something awful, which I didn't from what I have been told, but I cannot help but see otherwise. I have been trying to sleep, but it has not been working... I think I will indulge in some TMBG media to keep my mind off things. Ackkk!! Whateverrr!!! Vincent outttt!

< heh werdz of true wisdom from da burgh!!!

14/06/26

Its 8:13 am, on so almost on point with yesterdays time. I find it easier to write during the morning, especially after an all nighter (which I somehow managed unscathed.) I really have not been able to sleep and it's pretty annoying, I want to be tired but theres nothing to be tired about. Anyhow, I uploaded a fic to Ao3 and its doing nicely for one that hasn't been up for longer than a day. I am also reorganising GIFmania. It was a little messy before I will say. Soon I will link sources to the gifs too (as I just know my facts like dat.) I will hopefully catagorise them properly soon, instead of "He's fine" cos I could put every TMBG gif under the sun in a catagory like that one! They might be handsome dare I say. Ack, I've been staring at this screen too long! My eyes are dying for freedom... so I will leave it at that! Toodle pip!

13/06/26

Its 8:04 am, didn't get a single second of sleep. But hey, at least not getting tired gave me time to be much more productive. In a way. I got lots of this website done while staying up. I find html oddly theraputic. Something about working on the code makes me completely forget everything I was ever worried about (for a period of time). And the gratification that comes from clicking save and seeing my code come to life is nice. Anyways, I don't want to get all sappy like this in my first entry, so thats all for today!